This week's Romantic Friday Writer's Challenge This is a first-person challenge. You are sick of your life! You feel the need to break out of the box! You are doing what you want for a change! Yes! You're taking that break you've been promising yourself - you're heading for a tropical island paradise to:
- finish that project you've been working on
- just do nothing but sunbake, eat, party
- think about your relationship (does that need to change too?)
Perhaps your love decides to move on while you're gone...
Perhaps you miss your love so much that you hurry home before your time...this could be exhilarating...or tragic...Your story, your way! Surprise us!
Here's my Romance Flash Fiction entry
Something's Brewing! by Madeleine Maddocks
I was putting the cups away in the bottom cupboard when I sensed him at the counter behind me. It wasn’t his usual day for coffee and a chocolate twist and I could feel the tiny hairs on my arm tingle with anticipation. I looked forward every week to his friendly banter. As I stood up, I composed myself, pushing strands of my long, chestnut hair out of my eyes before turning round to greet him with my best smile.
He, on the other hand was studiously eyeing the menu board above my head, even though I knew his order off-by-heart, as well as I knew his every detail. Those delicious coffee mocha eyes, his rich espresso hair and those gorgeous, raspberry-almond lips.
“So do you fancy something different?” I asked tentatively, noticing how preoccupied and quiet he seemed. I certainly need a change, I thought wistfully. At least tonight, a Thursday night, my shift always finished at four instead of five o’clock. I thought of my rubbish boyfriend, who would rather spend his weekends with his head stuck under a car bonnet than with me. Companionship wasn’t on the agenda. Sex yes, so long as it was quick. Oh yes I so needed a change! He'd have to go.
“A medium latte and a…” my gorgeous customer began, as I automatically took the chocolate twist out of the cabinet with the tongs. “…chocolate twist to go.” his voice trailed off as he saw me anticipate his words.
“Oh you’re not staying today, then?” I said, hearing the forced jollity in my tone that hid my disappointment and embarrassment.
“Nope, I wouldn’t want to be too predictable” he chuckled, handing me his credit card.
I could feel my face burn as if Satan himself were standing beside me. I completed the transaction in silence, wishing the floor could open up and swallow me whole.
“So you finish at four tonight, I believe?” His dazzling smile made his gorgeous eyes sparkle.
I nodded dumbly, putting his latte and pastry in a bag and handing him his order.
“I wondered if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight…”
I could feel the skin tingling all over my body, as my heart bubbled with joy.
“…That is unless you have someone…” he said holding my gaze.
“That would be lovely. I’ll just need to go home, so that I can change” I replied.
(401 words)
He, on the other hand was studiously eyeing the menu board above my head, even though I knew his order off-by-heart, as well as I knew his every detail. Those delicious coffee mocha eyes, his rich espresso hair and those gorgeous, raspberry-almond lips.
“So do you fancy something different?” I asked tentatively, noticing how preoccupied and quiet he seemed. I certainly need a change, I thought wistfully. At least tonight, a Thursday night, my shift always finished at four instead of five o’clock. I thought of my rubbish boyfriend, who would rather spend his weekends with his head stuck under a car bonnet than with me. Companionship wasn’t on the agenda. Sex yes, so long as it was quick. Oh yes I so needed a change! He'd have to go.
“A medium latte and a…” my gorgeous customer began, as I automatically took the chocolate twist out of the cabinet with the tongs. “…chocolate twist to go.” his voice trailed off as he saw me anticipate his words.
“Oh you’re not staying today, then?” I said, hearing the forced jollity in my tone that hid my disappointment and embarrassment.
“Nope, I wouldn’t want to be too predictable” he chuckled, handing me his credit card.
I could feel my face burn as if Satan himself were standing beside me. I completed the transaction in silence, wishing the floor could open up and swallow me whole.
“So you finish at four tonight, I believe?” His dazzling smile made his gorgeous eyes sparkle.
I nodded dumbly, putting his latte and pastry in a bag and handing him his order.
“I wondered if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight…”
I could feel the skin tingling all over my body, as my heart bubbled with joy.
“…That is unless you have someone…” he said holding my gaze.
“That would be lovely. I’ll just need to go home, so that I can change” I replied.
Answers to Novel Haiku in post below.
I am delighted that Lynda Young will be interviewing me on 16th August on her blog WIP It.
I also have 3 reviews up, so far, on Amazon.com Yay!
RFW said: Madeleine delivered a perfectly structured flash
fiction prose piece which was lovely and romantic. I loved the comparisons of
the delightful customer to coffee - 'Those delicious coffee mocha eyes".
Obviously getting rid of the old boyfriend was part of the change. Something is
definitely brewing.
FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Awwwwwwwwwwww!!! I love this! It's so sweet and gorgeous and so romantic and just wonderful for Friday! Lovely! Take care
ReplyDeletex
Very sweet story! Just when she thought he was leaving, he changed also.
ReplyDeleteHappy Blogiversary!
Hi Madeleine, sounds as if she is on her way to improving her life or at least the romantic part of it. Great story.
ReplyDeleteOh he sounds dreamy!!! Espresso hair, raspberry almond lips! The details were simply enticing!! As I said, he sounds like a dream!! I so want to hear more!! You should definitely continue on with this story!! I want to know how dinner went and what happened afterwards! Very very very nice!!
ReplyDeleteHi Madeleine
ReplyDeleteBravo for her to take the needed change in her life when it came. I loved this.
Nancy
Bless you Old Kitty and Crystal, thank you for your enthusiastic comments.
ReplyDeleteThanks Heather, Sally and Nancy glad you enjoyed it, too. :O)
Dear Madeleine,
ReplyDeleteOOOh, I like this story. Lots of nice details: love your food-oriented description of this wonderful man:
'Those delicious coffee mocha eyes, his rich espresso hair and those gorgeous, raspberry-almond lips.'
Yummy!
And you kept us in suspense until the last lines as to whether or not anything romantic would happen! Well done!
But darn! You've made me really hungry for a good cup of coffee and a pastry and there is NOTHING here at home!
Take care!
Best wishes,
Anna
RFW No.42 - 'I need a change'
LOL! Anna you sounds like me. I only have to read a delicious foody description to crave the meal. Glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteNaughty about cheating on her Bf but a date sounds like it would do them both a world of good.
ReplyDeleteWell written with wonderful descriptions.
Thanks Rek
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it.
Of course my MC is planning to dump her BF that same day...(i.e. change)
Aw, lovely! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy blogiversary!
Oh yes! Love the twist in this story. She didn't see that coming, did she? Neither did we. Nicely done, Madeleine. Happy Blogversary!
ReplyDeleteHe sounds dreamy.
ReplyDeleteHappy blogiversary!
I not just loved this, I super loved this (forgive the bad English)but delicious coffee mocha eyes, rich espresso hair and gorgeous, raspberry-almond lips, make me go weak in the knees ;)
ReplyDeleteHappy Blogoversary Madeleine.
What a delicious description of him. I want to taste him too :)
ReplyDeleteThis is very sweet Maddy; has a nice flow. I liked the predictability concept, and then the unexpected change. The romance was expertly built.
Happy blogversary :) And congrats on the reviews for Ultimate Sacrifice :)
........dhole
My dear friend,
ReplyDeleteRomance is always sweet any place and anytime (smile).Great story and I just loved the ending for human weakness for love is always beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
This was as delicious as an excellent cup of brew, which I am so missing! Your little details made this story, with your coffee allusions - 'delicious coffee mocha eyes...'Your structure was spot on too. And you left us anticipating more. Good flash.
ReplyDeleteHappy Blogoversary! Congrats on the Amazon reviews. I'll get one up when I get a chance to finish your book. Hope all's going well...
Denise
Oh wow, you made him sound positively edible! Loved your description. Naughty girl, but sounds like it's the right thing for her. I enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteOoh, so sweet. I love watching a couple from the very beginning!
ReplyDeleteMedeia, Deniz, Shannon and Andy
ReplyDeleteso glad you enjoyed it. :O)
Aduro, Denise, Donna and Rachna, thanks for your lovely comments/compliments and wishes, too.
ReplyDeleteLook forward to your 'Ultimate' Review, Denise.
Nice one, Madeleine -- and congratulations on your blogversary!
ReplyDeleteHappy Blogversary!
ReplyDeleteClever story. At first, all the adjectives made me think you were going to eat him rather than seduce him. I want to know why she's still hanging out with the rubbish boy friend when she should have dumped him a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteThanks Milo :O)
ReplyDeleteScheherazade, LOL! why indeed? That's the age-old question, why do people stay in bad relationships?