Instead of writing a Poem or a 400 word Flash Fiction piece this week, I decided to set myself the challenge of writing the same opening to my Romantic Picnic scene as different POV examples. I thank the lovely Adura for the idea.
I hope I have successfully achieved each example. Let me know what you think?
FIRST PERSON POV - The narrator is 'I' or 'we.'
I bumped into Jasmine at the corner of the street. It was a sunny morning and promised to be a gloriously sunny, summers day. As my eyes took in her gorgeous caramel skin and sleek, black hair, fluttery signals chased around my heart to my stomach and back.
“We could go on a picnic!” I laughed, hoping my voice didn’t betray the nervousness I felt. “Just the two of us…” I trailed off.
Jasmine held my gaze with her deep, dark eyes. “I’d love that, Miles” she beamed.
SECOND PERSON POV -The narrator addresses 'You' the reader effectively turning the reader into the character.
You know how it is. You see Jasmine, the girl of your dreams, at the corner of the street and your heart chases signals to your stomach and back, just looking at her gorgeous caramel skin and sleek black hair.
Since it’s a bright morning and you know it will be a gloriously sunny, summers day you suggest going on a picnic. You hope your voice won’t crack with nervousness. As she looks back at you with her deep, dark eyes your voice kinda trails off when you suggest that it’ll be just the two of you.
You can’t quite believe your ears when she replies “I’d love that, Miles” and beams right at you.
THIRD PERSON POV Controlled Consciousness/ selective singular - uses Third Person POV with the familiarity of First Person. The reader sees all the action through the eyes of a single character and can only see what that character sees. The difference is the narrator uses 'he' or 'she' instead of 'I' or 'we'. Narration from a single perspective.
Miles bumped into Jasmine at the corner of the street. It was a sunny morning and promised to be a gloriously sunny, summers day. As his eyes took in Jasmine’s gorgeous caramel skin and sleek, black hair, fluttery signals chased around his heart to his stomach and back.
“We could go on a picnic!” he laughed, hoping his voice didn’t betray the nervousness he felt. “Just the two of us…” he trailed off.
Miles stood transfixed as Jasmine held his gaze with her deep, dark eyes. “I’d love that, Miles” she beamed.
THIRD PERSON POV Panoramic/ detached/ Subjective Multiple Viewpoint - The narrator again using 'she/he' sees all the action, but doesn't read minds.
It was a bright morning and promised to be a gloriously sunny summers day when Miles bumped into Jasmine on the corner of the street. They smiled. Each observing the other closely. His gaze checked out her gorgeous, caramel skin and sleek black hair, while she ran her eyes over his tousled dark- blonde mop and tanned complexion.
Miles spoke first with a nervous smile “We could go on a picnic! Just the two of us…” his voice trailing off.
Jasmine’s deep, dark eyes held Miles’ gaze. “I’d love that, Miles” she beamed.
THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT - God-like; the narrator uses 's/he' and knows/sees everything and is able to move from one mind to another.
It was a bright morning and promised to be a gloriously sunny, summers day when Miles bumped into Jasmine on the corner of the street. As Miles’ eyes took in Jasmine’s gorgeous caramel skin and sleek, black hair, fluttery signals chased around his heart to his stomach and back. He wondered if he had the courage to ask her out this time. he didn't want to blow the opportunituy. Jasmine, meanwhile, was admiring Miles' tousled dark- blonde mop and tanned complexion, feeling a strange euphoria, though her mouth had become very dry. She was hoping, with all her heart, that he might ask her out, instead of just the usual 'Hi how are you?' Would they kiss, she dared wonder with the kind of effervescence that sent bubbles of excitement into her gleaming eyes.
“We could go on a picnic! Just the two of us…” Miles said, his voice trailing off.
Jasmine held Miles’ gaze with her deep, dark eyes. “I’d love that, Miles” she beamed.
Which of these POVs do you like?
Did you feel the love in all these styles of POV
or just some of them?
Which set the right mood for you?
A writer can have more than one viewpoint character in a novel. The viewpoint character sh
ould change only at chapter or scene breaks and there should be a good reason for the change. The different third person viewpoints can be difficult to get your head around, probably because they are all the same but different!
Remember that "head-hopping" confuses and irritates the reader. Take a look at some well loved novels in the genre in which you are planning to write and familiarize yourself with the different Points Of View used. Are there any variations? Now write the scene using that POV.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: It appears I've had a tooth infection beneath my recently crowned tooth since about 11th July! I wondered why I felt generally grotty/run down and dreaded returning to the dentist because my tooth throbbed when I chewed on it. Now I have a course of antibiotics and after a just few I am already feeling much better.
RFW said: Madeleine: treated us to a lesson in perspectives;
writing out the same scenario from differing POV. Interesting; all the
different ways to ask a person on a picnic, and all the emotions and
possibilities from just a subtle change.
I'm going to be reviewing 
