The rule: to share the first 250 words of the first page of a novel.
This is from my chick lit with a little mystery thrown in.
However, 250 words doesn't really begin to reveal what's in store
for Ginny in the next 48hrs.
Just click on the clipboard, then click again
and it will enlarge to easily readable proportions.
This is from my chick lit with a little mystery thrown in.
However, 250 words doesn't really begin to reveal what's in store
for Ginny in the next 48hrs.
Just click on the clipboard, then click again
and it will enlarge to easily readable proportions.
Thanks to Shallee for being a great CP already on this piece.
I definitely got a sense of foreboding. I liked the "damp, fetid dishcloth bit." Gross! Very nice. Good luck with it.
ReplyDeleteI love the descriptions in this, and I'm wondering what happened to Bernard and is this a one time drinking binge or does this happen all the time? I'm intrigued enough to keep reading, hoping something bad didn't happen to Bernard. Great post! :D
ReplyDeleteOoh I love it, it definitely made me want to read on :o)
ReplyDeleteHm. Now, where's Bernard? I'm thinking there are some nasties going to happen to poor Ginny. And I wonder what's coming next. Some great description - nice!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your enthusiasm Janet, Brenda, Karen and Debbie.
ReplyDeleteVery astute Brenda about 'is this a one time drinking binge or does this happen all the time?'
The comment about 'poor Ginny' made me smile,too, as you might change your mind further into the story. :O)
Nice job on this again! I know I've already seen it, but just wanted to say I think you've hit a good balance of beautiful description and the tension of "where's Bernard." Good luck with the rest!
ReplyDeleteInteresting opening. While your descriptions are very vivid, you might try less of them in the same paragraph. I like the magic one's to take center stage without being outdone by the next one waiting in the wings. Am I making sense? I really liked the dishcloth in her mouth and because that one was so good, I think you are steeling it's thunder by going immediately to the "pizzicato tune across her stomach. When the ordinary surrounds the magnificent, it stand out far more.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Wendy. Although the descriptions are vivid and eloquent, sometimes, less is more. It's a great piece that delivers a ton of wonderful emotion, while leaving off on a bit of mystery. Great job!
ReplyDeleteooh, what happened to Bernard???
ReplyDeleteI love the sense of her waking after a drinking binge, and we get the idea, it's not an uncommon occurrence.
Nice job!
I'm intrigued and I love the many insights into her character in such a short time.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptions re binge drinking! I'm thinking either she's killed Bernard or the sensible man has packed his bag and left her. ;)
best
F
Great descriptions! It definitely leaves you wondering and wanting more!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much everyone. I was trying a bit of Lori Lansen prose with the description thing, but maybe I need to edit, as you suggest. I am gratified by your comments especially since I don't have a taste for alcohol myself, so the fact that you all identify with the hangover bit is fabulous!
ReplyDelete:O))))
Thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good opening. I love your descriptions. The nouns and verbs you've used here evoke very specific and detailed images, which is a great thing. :)
Hi, I loved reading this piece. It gave me a great sense of Ginny's voice. I'm feeling as though she is an older woman, just through the use of certain words and phrases (eg "marital bed") - not sure if that is intended or not. I'm also curious about Bernard and whether she did something to him when she was drunk;)
ReplyDeleteRach
I think it's a good start...but the beginning paragraph is a bit long and there's a lot of description there. Any way to pare it down???
ReplyDeleteThe first line may read smoother if you simply say "Ginny gasped..." And you use "gasp" twice in that paragraph..maybe try to switch one out???
Good luck! :) I'm really interested to find out what happened the previous night!
I love a character who wakes up with a hangover. I love the wild side that recreational drug use creates in a story
ReplyDeleteThanks Stephanie the feedback is very helpful and thought-provoking. It's so interesting how we can see the faults in other's stuff more than our own!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked my opening hangover scene Erica. ;O)
A rather unique opening to place you within the charcaters you are going to place. Then again it could be marked as personal experience.I like the hazy idea, it leaves a lot open to proceed into a story.Had fun looking over your blog.
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