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Friday, 10 February 2012

Voices Blogfest #3 Emotion

My RFW post for The Long, Cool Aphrodisiac will be posted Saturday afternoon.

Thanks to Cassie Mae and Angela Cothran for hosting this blogfest. I've had a fun time.
The final prompt is for an
Emotion Flash Fiction : Emotion is the engine of a story. Pick an emotion and in a flash fiction piece of 250 words MAKE us feel it! We want to connect with your character.


I have decided to stay with my WIP novel and my MC Ginny from 'Once Forgotten' and treat you all to another excerpt, which I've edited down to in 250 words & to make sure I don't give too much of the novel plot away too soon....



 

Ginny's head felt as fragile as a cracked eggshell, as she lay on the top of the handmade patchwork quilt that had been one of her sister-in-law’s creations, in blues with hints of gold. She could feel the tears on her cheeks like dried, stagnant pools, while a twisting burn gripped her throat. She hadn’t even had time to have her breakfast. The initial shock of waking that morning to find two police officers on her doorstep, with sombre expressions and restless, wary eyes suggested that the news must be unconscionably awful. Her voice strangled right out of her throat as they explained that a man fitting the description she had given them for Bernard, had been found stabbed the previous night. They would like her to accompany them to the mortuary to identify the body.
A frenzy of the most intense emotions had begun circulating around her body.  She felt her head lift as light as a helium balloon. The firm hands of PC White helped her to a chair. Questions had begun competing for answers in her head. Why was Bernard at that particular pub? Why hadn’t Guy been with him? Could it be someone else? 
Nothing since yesterday morning had made any sense. The twisting burn in her throat returned as the stark image of that grey, lifeless face, staring up at her in the mortuary came back into her mind. More hot tears nettled her eyes at the memory.
“Oh Bernard!” she sobbed, "I need you!"


So what emotions are you feeling ?
Check out my interview voices #1
Check out my  #2 Dialogue
I read a very good post by an editor (Sorry I forgot which one), who said never write the words 'feeling' but rather describe the feelings without the initial qualifier (e.g. s/he was feeling or s/he felt), so I took that to heart in my subsequent writing.

22 comments:

  1. Confusion, fear, desolation. Very well written. I was there.


    Lee
    A Faraway View
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  2. I can totally feel the despair of this poor woman. I can't even imagine. You wrote this beautifully. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I'm feeling a bit lonely and desolate.

    And yes, I have as many questions about the death of Bernard as Caroline does. Good job making her empathetic and intriguing.

    ......dhole

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  4. Nice job nailing the moment. Full of shock and sorrow!

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  5. Such sadness and confusion. Great emotions and great job.

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  6. shock and despair
    poor dear!
    great job!

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  7. That's the way you do it. Show how she's feeling through action. Good job. Her grief and confusion come right through.

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  8. Poor Ginny!!! I do feel her pain - so sad and I like the hint of mystery and intrigue too - as in - what's happend to Bernard?!?!

    Take care
    x

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  9. I definitely felt her pain. Bravo!

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  10. I could feel Ginny's pain. Extremely well written

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  11. I felt her grief - and a kind of numbness and disbelief. Very evocative!

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  12. Oh, I could definitely feel grief here, plus confusion. Very well written scene!

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  13. Sadness. Despair. Well written. I enjoyed the way you weave words together :)

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  14. Smart editor :)

    And this has me so intrigued and I really can't comment too much because this hit me so hard. Words can't even do it justice.

    Well done!

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  15. If there were a way to put mourning into a single emotion. This was so sad. I was very moved.

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  16. This certainly an emotional piece. Well done.

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  17. Shock, and dread--I wouldn't want to look at a body to try and identify it.

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  18. Grieg, and confusion mixed with despair. Lovely writing.

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  19. Fear, despair, and lonliness. Great work.

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  20. You really painted this scene well. All the details give me a sense that I'm almost there..

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  21. Wow! I couldn't handle this pain! So much sadness and confusion! Great job!

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