About Me

My photo

My Blog SCRIBBLE AND EDIT reflects my love of creative writing, design, literature and film. Check out my Poems & haiku, Romantic Flash Fiction; Blogfest Entries; Blog Awards and other prose and Flash Fiction. Do bear with me, as I will reciprocate with those genuine commenters on my blog.  BTW I sometimes withhold comments for challenges until later. Comments about the post are much appreciated. Thank you.
Comments based on others' comments can lead to misunderstandings that spread like whispers!

The only SURE way for me to follow you back is if you leave a comment. However, if your Blog has a black background and white writing then it makes my eyes squiffy...

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Heart Stopper ~ RFW

Challenge No.17  "Heart Stopper!" Romantic Friday Writers
Dance to the rhythm of romantic music. Let's see that setting sun and feel those heroic arms about us. Maybe you've got a holiday romance going down, or perhaps it's a beach party and there's a heart stopper of a guy there and you're drooling! 
Whomever sets your heart pulsing let's hear about him.  400 words max. 


My entry:


I notice him as soon as he enters the nightclub. The beat of the loud music has already sent my pulse pounding with anticipation. It’s as though a spotlight has picked him out from everyone else in the room and is following him as he moves with liquid ease. I realise I am smiling. I marvel at how he moulds himself so seamlessly into the crowd and yet becomes its very core. The lads admire him, while the girls are drawn to him like butterflies seeking his nectar-rich blossom. His smile radiates across the room in my direction, momentarily stopping my heart. I catch my breath, the sensation as thrilling as a roller coaster ride in freefall.

“Hey Joe!” someone shouts, stealing his attention away. Like a child who has tasted their favourite ice cream, only to have it snatched from their grasp, I feel bereft.

“What I wouldn’t do to get a piece of him!” the blonde next to me is saying. She reeks of migraine-strength perfume, as she leans against the bar sipping from a pint of lager. Although I don’t look at her, I know her eyes will have momentarily lost focus while she imagines herself claiming a piece of him. I don’t reply. My mind becomes lost in the question: which piece of him, I wonder?

A touch of skin on skin, warm, soft, firm and passionate. Rich, glossy chestnut brown hair, dark eyes and supple, fit physique that will make perfect progeny. A desperate longing need to be together. Special moments in a shared joke, an anecdote of something that happened in the day. Declarations of love panted and urgent, then sweet and slow. A forever-love that matures like a fine wine over years of nurturing.

And then here he is in front of me. The blonde stands up, stretching out her long body with feline stealth. She throws a knowing, proprietary smile in my direction and leers provocatively at him.

Joe’s strong hand brushes away an auburn wisp from my cheek, then slips gently under my chin as he pulls me closer, planting a soft, intimate kiss on my lips. I place my left hand, with the sparkling rock on my ring-finger, over his shoulder and kiss him back. I’m thinking: It’s not a piece of him I’m settling for, it’s the whole package. 

(391 words MPA)



This story has been awarded the coveted
Featured Writer's badge jointly with Roland for this week. Thank you!

33 comments:

  1. Hah!! Booo to the blonde!! Yay for the MC!!! Glad she got this gorgeous fella - heartstopping story indeed! Yay!! Well done you!! Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, well done. Very visual and enticing. Boo to the blonde indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not on twitter or fb eh? Guess I'll just have to follow you around in the blog sphere. Sounds perfectly wonderful to me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wonderful and thought provoking, though other "things" were provoked as well. I also adore that sweet twist at the end. YAY!

    ReplyDelete
  5. WOW..I loved it. Great bluog and very, very nice ending.!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sweet! Very visual and I loved the twist at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That was wonderful. I like the twist at the end too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice little twisteroo at the end there, Mads. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Take that, blonde! lol. An enjoyable read. I loved your descriptions. The "migraine-strength perfume" had me chuckling out because I can't stand that personally. Very nice twist and I love the club scene.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I particularly loved the third from last paragraph. Lovely images.

    And I also wanted to say ha! Take that, blondie :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love your description. And man I love that feeling of satisfaction knowing he's YOURS and nobody else's ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Madeleine, love the new voice! Lovely imagery. You took me there as they say. We share a story of music and dance this week! Yeah, that's how I saw Heart Stopper!

    D

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Madeleine,
    Beautifully and vividly written. I very much enjoyed your writing style and it was rather steamy, might I add. You know, I'm like blushing now. Changing my name to 'Joe', nice touch! :) LOL

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi,

    Cracking piece of writing, and I love the deceptive way you lead the reader to think her a loser when she's in fact the winner! :o

    best
    F

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you everyone. Glad you enjoyed it.

    LOL! I almost feel sorry for the blonde now!

    Gary (or should I say Joe?) I hope you've cooled down a bit now. ;o)

    Bless you Denise and Francine.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love the description! I can see the man so vividly.

    I also particularly like the phrase "migraine-strength perfume"

    ReplyDelete
  17. "It’s not a piece of him I’m settling for" -- great line there.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You had me there. Very well written.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nice! You captured the man and the essence of the relationship. Liked the phrase 'migrane-strength perfume'.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a lucky break! Liked the story.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Cheered over the whole package line! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  22. "She reeks of migraine-strength perfume" love this line, and don't we all know them?! Fab twist at the end, lovely read - thanks!
    Lx

    ReplyDelete
  23. I liked the migrains strength perfume - knew instantly what you meant.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wonderful! I love it. And I like how you mix romance and a humor in there. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Great story! Loved all the imagery -- especially the migraine-inducing perfume.

    I'm a fellow Campaigner and wanted to say hello and good luck with the Campaign!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow! I want the whole package too! Wonderful imagery.

    PS - Thanks for putting me on your sidebar! :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Who says that only men are proud of their trophy partners?

    Glad your heroine's getting the whole package. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I love the line about migraine inducing perfume. That is so brilliant. I'm in your YA group and just stopping by to say hello.

    ReplyDelete
  29. OK, I'll go out on a limb and feel sorry for the blonde (although I'm glad your heroine has her man). Well formed characters in a very word count - nice job.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wonderfully provocative text with a surprise twist at the end. Glad your heroine gets the whole package!

    Thank you for your kind words about my 'Heart-Stopper'-post.

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    For the benefit of other readers:

    Anna's RFW No. 17 'Heart-Stoppers'

    ReplyDelete
  31. congratulations on your award - well deserved!!!

    ReplyDelete

Comments with heart are worth their weight in gold. Thank you.
Comments based on others' comments can lead to misunderstandings that spread like whispers!
COMMENTS MAY BE occasionally MODERATED and TAKE TIME TO APPEAR, Thank you.