About Me

My photo

My Blog SCRIBBLE AND EDIT reflects my love of creative writing, design, literature and film. Check out my Poems & haiku, Romantic Flash Fiction; Blogfest Entries; Blog Awards and other prose and Flash Fiction. Do bear with me, as I will reciprocate with those genuine commenters on my blog.  BTW I sometimes withhold comments for challenges until later. Comments about the post are much appreciated. Thank you.
Comments based on others' comments can lead to misunderstandings that spread like whispers!

The only SURE way for me to follow you back is if you leave a comment. However, if your Blog has a black background and white writing then it makes my eyes squiffy...

Saturday, 16 October 2010

First Page Blog Fest

This is my contribution to Elle Strauss'  First Page Blogfest.  

The rule: to share the first 250 words of the first page of a novel.
This is from my chick lit with a little mystery thrown in.

However, 250 words doesn't really begin to reveal what's in store
for Ginny in the next 48hrs.

Just click on the clipboard, then click again
and it will enlarge to easily readable proportions.


Thanks to Shallee for being a great CP already on this piece.

19 comments:

  1. I definitely got a sense of foreboding. I liked the "damp, fetid dishcloth bit." Gross! Very nice. Good luck with it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the descriptions in this, and I'm wondering what happened to Bernard and is this a one time drinking binge or does this happen all the time? I'm intrigued enough to keep reading, hoping something bad didn't happen to Bernard. Great post! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ooh I love it, it definitely made me want to read on :o)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hm. Now, where's Bernard? I'm thinking there are some nasties going to happen to poor Ginny. And I wonder what's coming next. Some great description - nice!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for your enthusiasm Janet, Brenda, Karen and Debbie.
    Very astute Brenda about 'is this a one time drinking binge or does this happen all the time?'
    The comment about 'poor Ginny' made me smile,too, as you might change your mind further into the story. :O)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nice job on this again! I know I've already seen it, but just wanted to say I think you've hit a good balance of beautiful description and the tension of "where's Bernard." Good luck with the rest!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Interesting opening. While your descriptions are very vivid, you might try less of them in the same paragraph. I like the magic one's to take center stage without being outdone by the next one waiting in the wings. Am I making sense? I really liked the dishcloth in her mouth and because that one was so good, I think you are steeling it's thunder by going immediately to the "pizzicato tune across her stomach. When the ordinary surrounds the magnificent, it stand out far more.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with Wendy. Although the descriptions are vivid and eloquent, sometimes, less is more. It's a great piece that delivers a ton of wonderful emotion, while leaving off on a bit of mystery. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  9. ooh, what happened to Bernard???
    I love the sense of her waking after a drinking binge, and we get the idea, it's not an uncommon occurrence.

    Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm intrigued and I love the many insights into her character in such a short time.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi,

    Great descriptions re binge drinking! I'm thinking either she's killed Bernard or the sensible man has packed his bag and left her. ;)

    best
    F

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great descriptions! It definitely leaves you wondering and wanting more!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you so much everyone. I was trying a bit of Lori Lansen prose with the description thing, but maybe I need to edit, as you suggest. I am gratified by your comments especially since I don't have a taste for alcohol myself, so the fact that you all identify with the hangover bit is fabulous!
    :O))))

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog!

    This is a good opening. I love your descriptions. The nouns and verbs you've used here evoke very specific and detailed images, which is a great thing. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi, I loved reading this piece. It gave me a great sense of Ginny's voice. I'm feeling as though she is an older woman, just through the use of certain words and phrases (eg "marital bed") - not sure if that is intended or not. I'm also curious about Bernard and whether she did something to him when she was drunk;)

    Rach

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think it's a good start...but the beginning paragraph is a bit long and there's a lot of description there. Any way to pare it down???

    The first line may read smoother if you simply say "Ginny gasped..." And you use "gasp" twice in that paragraph..maybe try to switch one out???

    Good luck! :) I'm really interested to find out what happened the previous night!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love a character who wakes up with a hangover. I love the wild side that recreational drug use creates in a story

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks Stephanie the feedback is very helpful and thought-provoking. It's so interesting how we can see the faults in other's stuff more than our own!

    Glad you liked my opening hangover scene Erica. ;O)

    ReplyDelete
  19. A rather unique opening to place you within the charcaters you are going to place. Then again it could be marked as personal experience.I like the hazy idea, it leaves a lot open to proceed into a story.Had fun looking over your blog.

    ReplyDelete

Comments with heart are worth their weight in gold. Thank you.
Comments based on others' comments can lead to misunderstandings that spread like whispers!
COMMENTS MAY BE occasionally MODERATED and TAKE TIME TO APPEAR, Thank you.