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Friday, 3 September 2010

A Taste for Poetry

Raw or Polished? Which do you prefer?

The first version of this poem was written last October (my first as an adult) prompted by the sad demise of a beloved cat, Comfrey, of 17½ yrs old and whilst continuing on with 'Living Bereavement' coping with my Dad's Alzheimer condition. Version one represents the initial raw concept of my emotion, (the nasty feeling deep in my chest/throat that sorrow brings which reminded me of a Bouquet Garni sachet) put into words as the ideas flow through the pen.


The second is a revised version after starting the O.U. Creative Writing course. It is slightly more polished and structured, following the rules of poetry, having completed the relevant poetry chapters in the course book.

Which one works do you think?


Here's Comfrey (left) and Tarragon (right)

4 comments:

  1. I don't know anything about writing poetry, but to be honest I prefer the original, I feel your pain more reading that one.
    I'm sorry about Comfrey and your Dad.

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  2. Thanks Eliza. I agree with you actually I prefer the first one for the same reasons even though I guess the second is technically better.

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  3. I prefer Version 1 too - the short line 2 "It swells" breaks the rhythm like a sob in the throat, and the wind down at the end catches the ebb and flow of feeling really well.

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  4. Thanks Martin.
    High praise in deed. ;O)

    ReplyDelete

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